The first thing to be clear about is that “it” can happen to anybody, and it can happen at any time. The fact that it happens isn’t what you need to focus on. The details of what happened, and even how it played out, isn’t important. The truly important part is this:
How will you respond?
You may be thinking, “Why? Why would that matter? That sounds patronizing and trite.”
I don’t think so (then again, of course I don’t, I’m the one writing about it. In fact, I’ve written about it before.).
Throughout our life, things – good, bad, and somewhere in the middle – are going to happen. They’re going to happen to us, near us, and around us. There’s literally nothing anyone can do to stop things from happening. On the other hand, what is completely within our control is how we handle those things.
Aside from that, or perhaps closely related to that, is the truth that nothing about what happens reflects on who we are. But how we react and respond absolutely does.
(As a side note, remember that when you’re looking at something happening to someone else and consider making a judgement. THEY probably didn’t didn’t choose it either. But how are they responding? That’s a choice they’re making.)
A famous story present across multiple cultures tells of a queen who asks her advisors for a totem, a phrase that can give her both hope in hard times, but also keep her humble at the height of her success. It needed to be short, she added, so it could be inscribed on a ring so she could wear it and keep it in her field of vision. The advisors came back with
“This, too, shall pass.”
I think about that a lot when I’m going through low points (or high points) in my life. I’m thinking about it a lot, right now. What happened to me, today, to inspire this particular blog isn’t important. Curiously, how I responded also doesn’t matter. I’m happy to share it (and will share it, just like I did the last time but that’s not the point today.
Today, I want you to sit for a minute and imagine you get the call, and your job is over. What would you do? What would be your first, second, third step?
More interestingly, what would you do if you KNEW it was coming? Maybe you wouldn’t have done anything differently, but it’s worth considering. As I like to remind people, “There’s never a bad time to look around the airplane and make sure you know where the exits are.”
On the other hand, maybe you don’t have to imagine. Maybe that’s your lived reality right now. I’m VERY sympathetic to you, as it turns out.
In which case my advice is to skip the “what would you do” question. It’s nothing but armchair quarterbacking. The moment has passed. Sure, at some point (probably later), you can reflect on what you did, and in light of what happened, think about what you might have done differently.
But that’s for another day. Today, our job – yours and mine – is to focus on how we’re going to respond.